Guns Are Funny

I’ve noticed recently that adding guns to mundane situations can make them funny. For example, when swapping stories about scars, saying

I cut myself trying to cut a zip tie once.

is not funny. Instead, try

I stabbed myself in the finger once trying to take a zip tie off an AK47.

Now it’s funny. Here’s another example.

There’s my other flip flop! It was under the desk.

Not funny. Instead, try

There’s my other flip flop! It was under the M16.

I hope this helps you in your funnious exploits.

I’ve Coined A New Word

That’s right. The word: “analojeez”. You see, I was going to tag my last post with an “analogies” tag because of my genius Planters cashews analogy, but as I began to type it, it seemed infinitely more appropriate to write “analojeez”, because then it has a double meaning, you see. Not only is it an analogy, but it’s an analogy that makes you say “oh jeez”, therefore, “analojeez”.

It’s genius, I think I will patent it and you will have to pay me royalties whenever you use it, I swear it.

Adventures In Finding A WordPress Theme

The WordPress default theme is boring and makes me look like I don’t care about my blog, which I don’t, but it’s always good to keep up my image.

So I strolled over to WordPress.org to look for something to take so my lazy butt doesn’t have to put an effort into being original. What I quickly realized was that they all look like blog themes. Dang it, I don’t want my blog to look like a blog. I want it to be a rectangle, but have the feel of a triangle. 

So, maybe I give in and accept that it has to look like a blog. If I select any one of these premade themes, I can rest restlessly knowing that somewhere, somebody else is using the same theme. It’s like buying a can of delicious Planters whole cashews with sea salt, getting home, and finding out somebody took off the foil seal at the store and left it to age, rot, and generally get nasty. Or poisoned it.

The point is, I want a unique WordPress theme. Of course I don’t want to put any effort into it, don’t be silly. Heck no, I’m not going to pay for it. If I had the resources in house, I’d do it myself for free!

This world is ridiculous and I wash my feet and my hands of it.